


before the storm

by DirtyBrian



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Alternate Timeline, Angst, Character Death, Episode 03x21- Before and After, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-14
Updated: 2017-07-14
Packaged: 2018-12-01 23:27:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11497017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DirtyBrian/pseuds/DirtyBrian
Summary: The battle is just beginning, but already the Krenim have done inconceivable damage to Voyager and its crew. Episode addition to 3x21, "Before and After".





	before the storm

 

The ship is quiet now. The adrenaline from the battle and the following chaos have worn off, replaced by shock and grief. Chakotay walks numbly towards his quarters, a dull ache in his chest and completely oblivious to his surroundings. His uniform is singed and there’s a sharp pain in his wrist- it’s probably sprained. He ignores that pain, though. It doesn’t matter.

 

She’s gone.

 

He knows there are other things to think about- things that desperately need his attention. The ship is badly damaged, the wounded are overwhelming Sick Bay and the Mess Hall, and there are Krenim on long-range sensors. He needs to talk to Tom, to Tuvok. They’ve both suffered losses today- they all have. He needs to note the casualties in the ship’s log, transfer the command codes...take up her mantle. He needs to replace her.

 

She’d looked so small, so damned fragile lying on the bridge next to B’Elanna (he can’t even begin to process what happened to her). He knew, before Kes said the words that she was gone. She’d never be so still, so lifeless on the bridge when her ship was in crisis, regardless of how badly she was injured. He’d seen Kathryn Janeway fight her way through countless battles, fueled only on caffeine and stubbornness. 

 

It had taken everything in him to pull away from her body, to keep himself from curling around her and protecting her and crying over her form. Every fiber of his being screamed out for him to gather her in his arms, to beg whatever deity that listened to bring her back to them...to him. But he couldn’t- he needed to save her ship, her crew- to do what she would have done. He owes her that.

 

He stops in front of her quarters. Unbidden, a sharp cry is wrenched from his lips. The doors hiss open, and before he can quite fathom what he’s doing, he’s inside. They look much the same as they always did, though there’s an upended vase on the floor next to the couch. He rights it and fluffs the flowers, ensuring that they’re all right. He steadfastly ignores the fact that she’ll never see them.

 

Her presence is all around him, and it’s crushing him. He can smell her perfume faintly, a light rose scent wafting through the air. There’s a blanket draped over one side of the couch; he’d tucked it around her one night after she’d drifted off while reading reports. A cold cup of coffee sat on the table.  All the things he’d never told her flew through his head and he was powerless to stop it.

 

_ I love you, stay with me, don’t go, please, you’re everything, Kathryn… _

 

He’s crying now, and he revels in the painful catharsis it brings. He only has a moment, just a moment before he has to gather his emotions and return to duty. Before he has to be the Captain.

 

But for this one moment, the calm before the storm, he lets the tears fall, lets himself grieve for his Captain, his friend, his almost lover. For the woman who has steadfastly led them through so much, the woman who’s sacrificed everything for the sake of her crew. He grieves for the love that would never come to fruition and the friendship he relies on.

 

When the tears slow, he wipes his face and replicates a glass of water. Within five minutes, he’s headed out of her quarters and back to the bridge with a firm resolve to get her- their- ship out of this fresh hell. 

 

(It takes a year, but he leads Voyager through Krenim space. A year to the day after they lose her, the repairs are completed on the ship and they set a course for home.)

 

(Home seems more distant without her.)


End file.
